After what had transpired yesterday in Odessa, Ukraine - when over 30 people were burned alived in an entrapped building, their bodies looted, displayed and humiliated - I'm ashamed to have called myself a "nationalist". Because the act had been done by those that had donned the same ideology, at least in words, and marred an otherwise proud, right ideal with their savagery.

I have many times espoused radical, extremist views. I've argued the fact that sometimes you need to weed out the "fifth columns", that people that do harm to your state, should be exterminated. But I've talked of these things when the subjects of the debacles were of different racial origin. That terror against a different enemy is plausible. What happens in Ukraine, though, is not about ethnicity even, or a survival of one of the white nations. It's about greed of the pro-Western Bandera thieves, that try to sell their people to the EU, like a pimp sells his beaten, bruised whore, and about the so-called "nationalists" that are used as a blunt weapon in this deal. These nationalists are nothing, but human scum - looters and destroyers of their own nation, the worst phlegm that this land had bourne.

If this is nationalism - I have no part in it. If nationalism today means sending your nation into a crash course, if it means to be a delusional, sellable, worthless muscle, if it means being a murdering thug with no discern - I'm no nationalist.

Yes, I always had been an idealistic person. I believed in the ideals of the old, of ethnical supremacy, of the idea od the Nation. As a fromer soldier, I accepted loss and cruelty in the name of an ideal. But I never had been for mindless cruelty, for cruelty that backfires on your own people, on those who depend on you. I don't think I can hold to discredited ideals anymore, though. I'm not blind, nor a fool. And it's natural for a person to re-evaluate their mindset when faced with a new reality.

I need to be honest - I now see what much of a bogus the whole "pan-white" movement is. There is no "white". There is only Russian, Ukranian, Polish, Spanish, English. We are as splintered as African tribes, and as hostile to each other. Idealistic people like me tend to think better of their peers. White thinkers and intelligentsia love to fantasize about the powerful unions of white men all over the world, but when geopolitics come in play, we will gladly kill each other.

And I accept that. I accept all of it. And therefore, I shed all the bullshit. I'm nothing but a Russian patriot, a Russian - a Russian for whom only Russia is "uber alles", only ethnic Russians are worth of anything, only those loyal to this state and its People are deserving of protection and life. Call it ethno-egocentrism. Does not matter. War changes everything.

Am I ashamed of my previous views? Not really. They were formed by other circumstances and experiences, and held in such experiences. Now they crumble apart. That's how life goes.

***

In the light of the current happenings, I'm not sure what I'm going to do with this account. As Ive stated previously, I went to move onto my own sci-fi projects and cyberpunk IP. But now, in addition, some questions are raised. I don't think I should isolate, but then, to be engaged on a site hosted, created and inhabited by denizens of a, factually, enemy state seems a bit well, dissonant. Hopefully, the situation rules itself out.

Not the kind of a "thank you for 700 000 views" journal that wouldve been planned. Thank you, I guess. Go express your condolences to the Odessa victims, better.